Bhutan Border Kris King tendril

Being Strong and Resourceful in the Midst of Fear and Reactivity

Download audio file

Subscribe to the audio podcast

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

As I move about in the world observing and listening to what people are talking about these days, I am once again amazed by the power of beliefs and the difference of the impact between beliefs that are love based and beliefs that are fear based. It seems the media is committed to making sure you know how bad things are…over and over again. With repetition people start believing it is true. How about you?

Today I want to remind you of your strength, resourcefulness, courage, the power of your choice and your ability to learn and grow. I believe in you.

Remember all the fearful messages about what would happen when we shifted to the new millennium? We were told computers would shut down, no electricity, there would be riots and break-ins because alarms wouldn’t work, we would be vulnerable to attack and there would be no food on the shelves in markets, just to name a few. What happened…nothing. And yet millions of people wasted precious moments anticipating that something bad would happen which made it real for them until the clock ticked to 12:00 a.m., 2000.

What is the difference that makes the difference?

The work at Wings has rocked my world again and again in a powerful, positive and profound way. When I changed my mind, I changed my world is how I describe this transformation. I want to share five of the most significant shifts in consciousness that have helped me practice staying awake, being resourceful and proactive. My hope is, they will support you in remembering how powerful you are in each moment to create the world you want to live in…now.

Important reminder: These patterns are not about resisting your fear or anybody else’s…because resistance breeds more resistance. Pretending you are not afraid just makes that little voice in your head yell louder! Rather, these beliefs or presuppositions are actually based in acceptance that fear is a choice and there are other options that serve you better.

Another important piece of information…Remember when you were told that the brain doesn’t change? That you are born with a certain number of brain cells and the only thing you could do is kill them by using alcohol and drugs? Well, welcome to the world of research and discovery. Our brain structure changes responding to new thinking, feeling and experience. Neuroplasticity is a new field of science that explores this. Here is a quote that describes what happens.

“According to the theory of neuroplasticity, thinking, learning, and acting actually change both the brain’s physical structure, or anatomy, and functional organization, or physiology from top to bottom. Neuroscientists are presently engaged in a reconciliation of critical period studies demonstrating the immutability of the brain after development with the new findings on neuroplasticity which reveal the mutability of both structural and functional aspects. A substantial paradigm shift is now under way: Canadian psychiatrist Norman Doidge has in fact stated that neuroplasticity is “one of the most extraordinary discoveries of the twentieth century.”
from Wikipedia

So I am not kidding when I said, When I changed my mind, I changed my world!

Five significant shifts in consciousness that assist me to stay awake.

1. Moving from victim to accountable.
When I came into the Personal Effectiveness Seminar I believed that I was doing everything I could to make my marriage, family and life work, and I was working very hard. I was resentful with a capital R! I blamed my husband for my feelings of dissatisfaction and loneliness. I was certain he was the main reason our marriage was not working. I wanted him to change so my life would get better. I realized with some horror during PES that I saw myself as the victim of my husband.
I will always remember the freedom I felt the moment I realized that my choices were my own, that my choices had gotten me right where I was and because they were all mine…I could change them! I was the one I had been waiting for all this time. I could choose based on what I wanted instead of pleasing others. In taking ownership of my choices, being accountable, I became thoughtful about my deepest values and how to live them moment to moment. Light bulbs were going off with great regularity illuminating how much of myself I had given away by being dependent on others and seeking approval by saying “Yes” when I wanted to say “No.”
Becoming accountable means the end of blame and fault finding. It means the beginning of, I believe, the most profound spiritual path.

2. It’s about me.
Learning that whatever is going on inside of me in any given moment, feelings, thoughts, desires and actions, are about me was and still is profound and again freeing.
I am the one who decides what things mean to me and how I respond to that meaning is my creation. My assumptions, interpretations, judgments and beliefs are all made up by me and I was acting as if I was right about it all. So that’s where my loneliness, emptiness, and resentment came from…my own belief system.
What I am thinking and feeling in any moment is my greatest teacher, because they reveal my belief system. Instead of reacting unconsciously, now I can ask myself, “What am I thinking right now that is causing me to feel or act this way? If it is happening inside of me, it is about me. If it’s happening inside of you, it’s about you. This is the end of “You make me…”

3. All thoughts and emotions come from one of two sources fear or love.
When I first read this statement in A Course in Miracles, I sat there knowing I was staring at the truth. It made complete sense to me.
Fear is the thought that resists, contracts, reacts, tightens, shuts down, grasps, dominates, attacks, makes wrong and blames. Love is the thought that accepts, expands, relaxes, engages, collaborates, learns, accepts and is accountable. Fear says, “This is the way it is.” Love says, “There are other ways of looking at this…let’s look together.”
Using this premise I can locate where I am in any moment. If I am tightening up, I ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” and then I explore my interpretations of what’s going on. With that insight I can make a choice that serves me better.

4. We do not describe the world we see, but we see the world we describe.

(from Synchronicity: the Path of Leadership by Joseph Jaworski)

Say this to yourself a few times.
Now this gets really interesting and is based on quantum thought. Here is the power of language and beliefs:
“Our language and our nervous system combine to constantly construct our environment. We can only see what we talk about, because we are speaking blind, beyond language.
Language is like another set of eyes and hands for the nervous system, through which we coordinate actions with others. We exist in language. It is by languaging and recurrent actions or human practices that we create meaning together…and when we describe it, we create distinctions that govern our actions. We lay the path down by an accumulation of recurrent human practices.”
By so doing we create repeat performance after repeat performance; not seeing the truth of the moment, instead reacting to our projections from the past.
You may have thought that our attention to our use of language at Wings bordered on anal. However, shifting from describing what we don’t want to describing what we do want in a positive frame changes how we experience our world and our place in it!

5. What I give my attention to grows stronger.
When I focused my attention on what was wrong in my life…it became monumental and insurmountable. I didn’t realize that I was the one doing the focusing. I thought it was just happening to me.
When I learned that what I focused on was my choice and how I interpreted what I was focusing on was also my choice, I was blown away! When I focus on my weaknesses they increase, and when I focus on my strengths…wow…they increase.
Another way of saying this is, “What grows is what gets watered.” When I focus on being right, I keep trying to prove it. And you can imagine the results. When I focus on collaborating with a person instead of getting my way, collaboration grows in my life and relationships blossom with love and respect.

These 5 changes of mind have assisted me to stay awake and learning. I offer them to you to see if they work for you too. Let me know what you discover.
1. Moving from victim to accountable.
2. It’s about me.
3. All thoughts and emotions come from one of two sources, fear or love.
4. We do not describe the world we see, but we see the world we describe.
5. What I give my attention to grows stronger.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

| More

41 Responses to “Being Strong and Resourceful in the Midst of Fear and Reactivity”

  1. car says:

    Consider the disadvantages and advantages presented.
    “Woe to you lawyers also, because you load men with burdens which they cannot bear”, Luke 11:
    46. To conduct a zip code by phohne number search you simply enter in the phone number you
    wish find a related zip code for and click search.

  2. It’s an amazing post designed for all the web people;
    they will obtain benefit from it I am sure.

    my weblog film a regarder

  3. film 3d says:

    Thanks very nice blog!

    Feel free to surf to my web page – film 3d

  4. Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog
    article or vice-versa? My blog addresses a lot of the same topics
    as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each
    other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

    my weblog: journey to the west telecharger

  5. Hurrah! In the end I got a web site from
    where I be able to truly get valuable information regarding my study and knowledge.

    Also visit my web site 300 rise of an empire telecharger

  6. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering
    what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% positive.
    Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Thank you

    Feel free to visit my website :: son épouse telecharger

  7. We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
    Your website offered us with valuable information to work
    on. You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community will be thankful to
    you.

    Here is my weblog: 47 ronin telecharger

  8. naturally like your web site however you have
    to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
    Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it
    very troublesome to tell the reality then again I
    will definitely come again again.

    Feel free to visit my web-site; antboy telecharger

  9. I truly love your site.. Great colors & theme. Did you develop this website yourself?
    Please reply back as I’m hoping to create
    my own website and would like to find out where you got this from or just what the theme
    is called. Kudos!

    Review my web blog melaza telecharger

  10. We stumbled over here by a different page and thought
    I may as well check things out. I like what I see so
    i am just following you. Look forward to exploring
    your web page for a second time.

    my web-site: brick mansions telecharger

  11. I have read so many articles or reviews concerning the blogger lovers however this post is genuinely a fastidious article, keep it up.

    Also visit my web-site – the den telecharger

  12. Hi, I do believe this is an excellent web site. I stumbledupon it ;) I am going to come back yet again since
    i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may
    you be rich and continue to help other people.

    Feel free to surf to my blog post … on my way telecharger

  13. Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this website daily,
    this site is truly nice and the visitors are genuinely sharing good
    thoughts.

    Also visit my web page: babysitting telecharger

  14. Hi, I do think this is a great web site. I stumbledupon it ;
    ) I’m going to come back once again since i have book-marked it.
    Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other
    people.

    Also visit my web blog: les yeux jaunes des crocodiles telecharger

  15. It’s actually a cool and helpful piece of information.

    I’m satisfied that you just shared this useful information with us.

    Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

    Here is my web site :: dark touch telecharger

  16. Hello There. I found your weblog the usage of msn.
    This is an extremely smartly written article. I will be sure
    to bookmark it and come back to read more of your helpful information.
    Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.

    Feel free to visit my blog post: situation amoureuse c’est compliqué telecharger

  17. If some one needs expert view concerning blogging and site-building after that
    i advise him/her to go to see this weblog, Keep up the nice job.

    Here is my web-site – states of grace telecharger

  18. For hottest news you have to pay a visit internet and on world-wide-web I found this web page as a most
    excellent site for newest updates.

    My blog post: 50 to 1 telecharger

  19. This article will help the internet visitors for setting up new website or
    even a weblog from start to end.

    Feel free to visit my weblog: captain america le soldat de l’hiver telecharger

  20. Thanks in favor of sharing such a fastidious thinking,
    article is pleasant, thats why i have read it
    fully

    Also visit my web page :: patéma et le monde inversé telecharger

  21. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any
    problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique
    content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it
    is popping it up all over the web without my permission.
    Do you know any techniques to help stop content from
    being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.

    My blog sweet revenge telecharger

  22. of course like your website however you need to test the spelling on quite a
    few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to tell the truth
    nevertheless I will surely come back again.

    Also visit my homepage: ali a les yeux bleus telecharger

  23. Juana says:

    I all the time used to read piece of writing
    in news papers but now as I am a user of web so from now I am using net for articles, thanks to web.

  24. Damien says:

    It’s amazing to go to see this site and reading the views of all mates on the topic of this article, while I
    am also zealous of getting experience.

  25. Hi, Neat post. There’s an issue with your web site in web explorer, could check this?

    IE nonetheless is the market leader and a good component to folks will pass over your wonderful writing
    due to this problem.

    my site – divergent telecharger

  26. Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment
    (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly
    enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing.
    Do you have any points for beginner blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate
    it.

    Feel free to visit my website le vertige des possibles telecharger

  27. hitta oss says:

    On the web typically for you to blogging i genuinely value you. The content has absolutely peaks my curiosity. Time to share bookmark your on line site and look after checking for brand spanking new info.

  28. Susan says:

    [...via YouTube...] Kris, I completed PES and Crossing Over more than 5 years ago, continuing adverse experiences beyond much of my control have provided me with the “excuse” to remain stuck. Spending these last few minutes watching you and listening to your wisdom once again reminds me that “I am a courageous woman living in harmony with myself and others.”  I need to get back to work using this concept of believing in myself. Thank you…Gratitude, Susan

  29. Kim LaFever says:

    I find that I keep coming back to this over and over again. The most powerful thing for me has been, “what am I feeling in my body?” and is this coming from fear or love? Getting more practice having this awareness allows me to choose in the moment. Thanks Kris!

  30. Carolyn Lohmann says:

    I love your blogs! You are such an inspiration to my journey! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and helping me to create more of what I want in my life… I am a confident, beautiful, and joyous woman living in appreciation of my rich and full life. Today I will remember that I am the one who decides what things mean to me, and how I respond to that meaning is my creation. What I give my attention to, grows stronger. Love it. Thank you!

  31. Sherry Plaga says:

    Refreshing and appreciated food for thought as I try to stay connected to my”home”place. Thank you for your support right now and always.

  32. Lorrie Jones says:

    Having just returned from a silent retreat, hearing you, Kris, my dear friend, has reminded me to open to this very moment, now that I’m “home”. Here is everything that I “left” to go on retreat! I am choosing to be love based in my thoughts, perceptions and choices. Each time I want to blame someone else for something I believe I am lacking, I stop – pause – and ask myself “how can I be more resourceful”? How might I shift the way I am viewing the situation? Rather than blame, how might I be accountable and compasionate with myself and others? Today I plan and commit to giving my attention to being mindful, grateful, loving and present.

  33. Lisa Lunbeck says:

    I am so grateful for your website! I love all 1-5~great reminders. In addition to your website, I read a chapter of your book every day. I randomly open it and read whatever chapter I happen to open it up to on that particular day. Today it is chapter 40~Is it time to create the world you want to live in? YES!

    I hope to see you again soon. I am soon to be on my way to attend Crossover and I am so excited about my next journey. PES was just what I wanted and what I have been looking for……However, time to journey on to the next level! WAHOO!!

    Again, thanks for the wonderful reminders….Peace!

  34. Steve Tourigny says:

    Hello Kris,

    The “earth shaker” for me is/was #5. Don’t get me wrong 1 through 4 present formidable challenge; but, #5 was counter-intuitive to someone who was a fix-it guy trying to wring the waste out of products and systems…

    The “aha moment” for me is realizing you can actually be more effective and efficient by focusing 80% on what is right and where you need to go versus what is wrong and where you should have been. Sounds simple. It is simple. The difficulty is seeing/admitting that your “waste reduction” methods were inefficient and wasteful themselves!

    Good luck in Florida, I passed along a couple of referrals to friends in the area.

    Warmest Regards,

    Steve Tourigny
    Folsom, CA

  35. Lisa Backovich says:

    Thank you for taking the time out of your life to share with all of us. I love to hear what you have to share. It makes my life much fuller. I just found your pod casts and will continue to watch as long as you choose to share. Thank you.

  36. Wendy Peters says:

    This was EXACTLY what I needed to get out of my funk!!! Fear has been holding me back and my “choices” blocked me from seeing the love that is given to me by others and also the love I NEED to give to myself!!! My choice has always been victim first and it has crippled me from sharing myself with others and also appreciating life! Thank you for the reconnect!! I appreciate you Kris and the Wings Organization!!

  37. Susan Saladoff says:

    Dear Kris,

    Once again, a fabulous reminder at exactly the right moment (why am I always surprised when that happens?) Thank you for your wisdom and inspiration. My love is amazing because of what I learned from you and Wings.

  38. Kris

    It is great and the news is “It is all about Me”.
    Thank you for the inspiration you share with all of us and the graditute I have for living in Eugene and being able attend seminars.
    Betty Thornton

  39. Kris

    It is great and the news is “It is all about Me”.
    Thank you for the inspiration you share with all of us and the graditute I have for living in Eugene and being able attend seminars as well as being able to being able to give back to others on assist teams.

    Betty Thornton

  40. Christy Covington says:

    This was wonderful. Great to get re-connected and take some time out to think about the important things I learned in PES and to be re-reminded. Taking time to absorb – stopping to smell the flowers. Thank you!!

  41. Christy Covington says:

    This was wonderful! Thank you, this re-connected me to you. A great grounding and fascinating reminder that I actually to took time to absorb. It was like stopping and smelling the roses. I am thankful that it was in written format as well, because my computer didn’t have enough streght to play the video without a consatnt delay.

Leave a Reply