Being Your Own Best Friend

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Being Your Own Best Friend

Dream as if you’ll live forever.
Live as if you’ll die today.
-James Dean

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to have a very best friend? If you could magically create one, what would they be like? Someone who listened to you attentively, respected your opinions, told you the truth in such a way that you loved to hear it? Someone who loved you so much they wanted only the best for you, laughed with you, and shared themselves delightfully? Someone you could be quiet with and yet connected to? If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

If this person were to suddenly walk into your life today, now, what would happen, how would things change? How would you feel? What kinds of things would you want to do together? How would your life expand?

You know, we do seem to hope a lot for someone else to come along and make us feel good, don’t we? And when they don’t do it right, we get pretty upset. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the quality of the relationship I have with myself determines not only the quality of my relationships with others but the quality of my life itself.

When I was growing up, I had no idea that I could possibly be my own best friend. If I had talked like that or even felt like that, my friends would have laughed at me and thought me extremely weird. I wish I had known being my own best friend was possible back then. I would have had a lot less heartache than I did. I remember looking out the window with longing as a kid, seeing my friends together outside and thinking, “Why aren’t I with them?” I wasn’t with them because I was waiting for them to come find me, a strange kind of hide-and-seek that they didn’t know I was playing.

Do you remember ever thinking your were left out and feeling lonely? How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? I remember saying to myself, “I don’t care!” even though I cared very much. I also pretended that I was very involved with something much more important than my friends so they wouldn’t see my hurt. Time went by, and my ways of compensating became the norm; now I held people away, thinking I was independent. And I was so lonely inside.

Then I took the Personal Effectiveness Seminar and realized that being my own best friend is actually my job, my responsibility. The ball is in my court. How I feel inside is my own creation. I am so fortunate I learned this at Wings. I am more than fortunate, I am ecstatic, because Wings is a place where people of all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, etc., are learning to be their own best friend. Wings is here to assist you, to support you in being your own best friend and knowing how to create fulfilling and rewarding relationships in all aspects of your life!!

Learning to be your own best friend takes commitment in the deepest, purest sense to yourself…to living your life and valuing it as a unique creation. I share this poem with you to help you remember to be your own best friend.

mighty guest of merely me traveler from eternity;
in a single wish, receive
all i am and dream and have.
Be thou gay by dark and day;
gay as only truth is gay (nothing’s false, in earth in air
in water and in fire, but fear— mind’s a coward; lies are laws) laugh, and make each no thy yes: love; and give because the why —gracious wanderer, be thou gay

—E. E. Cummings


1. Do you remember ever thinking you were left out as a kid and feeling lonely? Whose attention did you want?

2. How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? What did you do?

3. If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

4. What is it going to take for you to be those things to yourself, to be your own best friend?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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2 Responses to “Being Your Own Best Friend”

  1. julie long says:

    Dear Kris,
    Good to hear your voice again. I have such a friend as you describe in your opening paragraph. This friendship has been an amazing gift throughout my life and has sustained me through some tough times. However, my friend has become very ill and you remind me that I better get to work on myself. Thank you for your wisdom and the reminder to reflect and focus.

  2. Lisa Lunbeck says:

    Such a great reminder……Just what I needed today.
    With Gratitude and Love!