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Growing up in the forties, fifties, and sixties, I mostly learned about service through osmosis by watching my parents, the people in my neighborhood and at church, and watching Victory at Sea on television. I had Lutheran, community, and military ideas about what it was. The way I interpreted these messages was that it was very important to relieve the suffering of others and it could come at a big price—your life.

My biggest heroes at the time, Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and JFK, were visionaries wanting to create a better world, and they were all assassinated. Would that happen to me too if I had a dream and helped make the world a better place? You may think this silly, even ridiculous, and yet it made perfect sense to me.

I also saw another aspect of service that was upsetting to me. I would overhear the ladies at church, my Grandma Inga, the elders of my church, and my teachers at school expressing resentment, frustration, and even anger if they were not appreciated the way they thought they should be. Adding these two things together, I became suspicious of people’s motivations and the value of being in service.

All of this changed when I started participating in this work and then choosing it as my life’s work. I began to see and experience the beauty and generosity of choosing service and what the words “unconditional giving” mean.

As I talk with you about service now, it is very important to understand a distinction I draw. The historical definition of service is focused outward and has to do with being helpful, dutiful, and tirelessly providing for others, even to the extent of personal loss or suffering. Now, that sounds extreme, and yet to some people that is what service is about: sacrifice. When we talk about service at Wings, it is a balance of in focus and out focus. Sharing yourself unconditionally with others, your talents, capabilities, and heart, being an instrument of kindness and caring, all the while taking care of yourself.

Wings’ mission is to inspire and support positive change, creating an abundant, loving, and respectful world community. And one of the main ways we do that is by being dedicated to service. Every day at Wings, we create an environment that is rich in respect, compassion, creativity, honesty, playfulness, acceptance, risk-taking, and community. In many ways, we have created family in the healthiest form. This does not just happen! It is not an accident. My staff and I hold our day-to-day working and living environment as crucial to the integrity of our vision for Wings.

Service is an invitation to celebrate what you have to contribute and who you are! Giving to others is a way that touches the world gently with love and respect.

Choosing service is an acknowledgement that we have something of value to share—our energy, love, expertise, time, and sometimes simply our calm presence—listening to and holding the person we are with as valuable and important.

Service is choosing to be fully present in each moment using what we have been given for the highest good for ourselves and others.

Do you want to share your love, capabilities, and enthusiasm? How would you, your family, your workplace, your community, your place of worship, the children of the world benefit by you stepping into an even higher level of being in service in your life? The world community is thirsty for the calm presence of service, for the very gifts and talents you have to share in abundance.

There is a very dedicated and tireless group of individuals that I watch transform their lives through service over a period of a year: the Wings Leadership interns. They give of themselves joyfully and patiently, with tremendous enthusiasm and playfulness. As I work with them as a group and as individuals, I am awed by their incredible commitment to living life as whole, happy, contributing people while helping others. Believe it or not, since I started in the first intern group in 1983, there have been hundreds of interns!

Each day I feel deeply honored and thankful that I “get to be” involved with so many people who support Wings’ vision, doing simple things with great love, presence, and service. Thinking about creating a better world is one thing; taking action to create it is another, because action takes commitment and courage.

I am thankful for every person on this earth who chooses service now.

Reflections:

1. How did you learn about being in service?

2. What were the strong, healthy aspects of service and what were the negative ones?

3. What is your definition of service now?

4. Who is someone who models your definition? How do you feel when you are with them?

5. If you could do one thing for the world, what would it be?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Love%20Letters%20Straight%20from%20the%20Heart.mp3)

It’s that time of year when we start thinking of gift giving to those closest and dearest to us, of feasts and celebrations, Hanukkah, Christmas, and the celebration of winter solstice. It’s a time of gathering those we love the most, of laughing with them, of noticing the very best in them (sometimes difficult to do at a family gathering!), and of celebrating ancient spiritual and religious traditions and the great abundance we all share by exchanging gifts and preparing sumptuous meals. Sounds great, and yet… Is there something missing? During this season of celebration, do you feel filled up or perhaps empty? There sure is a lot of emphasis on the spirit of the season. Where does the spirit come from, and when does it arrive?

In case you are in doubt, I love the trappings and history of Christmas, the traditions that have arisen since approximately 336 AD when Christmas was first celebrated. I deeply respect the Jewish celebration of the victory of the Maccabees over Antiochus IV Epiphanes in 165 BC—Hanukkah. Winter solstice is an ancient celebration of being happy and thankful to be alive as the days become longer and of sharing stored abundance. All are long-established and meaningful celebrations of spiritual freedom and hope for humanity. The spirit of these traditional holy days is laden with joy, love, pride, acceptance, shared abundance, reverence for life, and peace. How do we bring the spirit back if we do not feel it?

So often as I walk through shops and grocery stores looking at the faces of people as they prepare for the holidays, I feel sad that I see so little joy and very little of the glow that I associate with peace. As I walk, I wonder what each person’s life is like and if there is any way I can brighten their day. A smile, a nod, and I am gone. What else?

What would happen if that father of three toddlers or that teenage beauty were to go back to their car and find a letter on the windshield addressed simply “To you.” They may be impatient as they open it, maybe wondering what kind of come-on this is, and then they read the words in my handwriting.

“You are no different than any person on this earth, and you are…you are light and truth and humor and love and beauty. You are endless and timeless. I do not know you, and yet I do. I love you in this precious moment of this thing we call time. We are travelling through time together, even though you do not know me. I honor how you are caring for those you love, especially yourself. I feel your pain and separation, and I delight in your joy. My life is enriched knowing there are people like you in our world. The greatest gift you have to offer is you.

Thank you for being simply you. With love, all things are possible.”

Any number of things could happen. Hopefully, one of them being the person would know that someone cared and wished to send a message of love and acknowledgment, a love letter straight from the heart.

Imagine going into an airport, opening the phone book, choosing a name, or several names, and writing a love letter straight from the heart, mailing it, and hopping on your plane. Imagine choosing a distant family member, or even one who is close, and sharing your thoughtful words. Imagine sending your words of peace and love out into the world, your own words, words that speak to your soul. Unconditional caring and giving—isn’t that what we all want to experience? And yet so often we wait for another to initiate, to come find us. Please stop waiting and start loving.

I think I have just created a new tradition for myself that takes me back to the spirit of our ancient traditions. It brings back the feeling of holy days into my everyday life.

Will you join me, at least once? When we look for ways to love and acknowledge, that’s usually what we find. And when we share them with the world, our world is rich with meaning.

How would you feel if you received a love letter straight from the heart? Write it and give it away now.

Reflections:

1. What traditions do you practice to celebrate the abundance in your life (e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, other)?

2. How are the things you do fulfilling and meaningful for you? How are they stressful, perhaps draining?

3. Painting a new picture of how you want to celebrate, what will you do differently?

4. Who do you think would want to receive a love letter straight from the heart from you?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Breaking%20Out%20of%20the%20Box.mp3)

The Wings logo is very significant to me and our organization. It signifies leaving the confines of established limitations and exploring new territory. In other words, breaking out of the box.
On October 1, James and I signed an agreement that ends our seven-year partnership in Wings, an agreement that assists both of us to move beyond the confines of our established limits and to explore new territory. Something valued, cherished, and known is ending: our partnership. As I write, I am filled with paradoxical emotions like sadness, worry, fear, and my old friend self-doubt. On the other hand, I am feeling exhilaration, excitement, amazement at my own courage, pride, gratitude, curiosity, freedom—in other words, expansiveness!

How did all of this come about? This spring when I was travelling to Hong Kong, I had time to look at Wings from a different perspective, what we call fresh eyes. I realized that in our partnership, both James and I were holding ourselves back from our true potential. We had fallen into patterns that worked well and yet limited us both (does this sound familiar?). I decided to give this realization some time, being the cautious creature I am. I also began exploring what I really want in life, what my dreams are—in other words, my own personal vision.

In August, the pieces fell into place. I became crystal clear about what I want. It was time to talk
with James. Even though I was crystal clear, it took every ounce of courage I had to say what I knew to be true. I was afraid of all sorts of things—hurting James, being selfish, not being right, etc.—but mainly I was afraid of two things. First was breaking up the established order. And secondly, taking ownership 100 percent of what I want.

I did it anyway. As I spoke, heart pounding, perspiration gathering, throat dry, I noticed that James was not responding the way I had anticipated (upset, taken aback, hurt, angry); he was nodding his head in agreement! Amazement! All this anxiety, and he’s in agreement with me. Wow!

We had a great conversation about our dreams, what we want for Wings and for each other. We both realized it was time for positive change and exploration of new territory. As our agreement grew, we decided to create a context for the transformation we and Wings would be going through.
We agreed that practicing what we teach was essential in everything we did:

1. Win-win. Wings as a corporation, our participants, our staff, Kris, and James would all benefit by whatever we decided
2. We would be completely honest with each other
3. Our love for each other would be nourished throughout the process

Guess what? We did it!

Wings Seminars goes on, offering you and your family and friends the very best seminars in the Northwest, perhaps the entire country. I am free in Wings to implement changes that are so important to me, and James is free to explore new territory. It took some time to work it all out, and we did it!

I am so proud of James; his heart and commitment have been so apparent through this whole time (and his playfulness is back!). I am so thankful to Jesse Reeder for her selfless wisdom and assistance. I am so blessed to have a staff that holds this work and Wings in such high esteem that they consistently give their best and tell the truth.

And I am proud of me too!

What I have learned, once again, is that it may be scary to dream, to change direction, to tell the truth, to stand up for what you believe in, to end things. And it is essential if you want to find out more about who you are. Breaking out of the box right now is the most exciting thing Wings has done in quite a while!

I thank you for the support you have given Wings in the past and hope that you will allow us to provide you with the best seminars available in the future. That’s what we are here for. What box are you ready to break out of?

Reflections:

1. Before making a change in something important to you, what fears arise?

2. When you are fearful, how do you handle it? What behaviors do you do, what thoughts run through your mind?

3. Where are the places in your life that you most want to create positive change?

4. Write down specifically the outcomes you want to create and your first action steps to get you started.

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Being%20Your%20Own%20Best%20Friend.mp3)

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to have a very best friend? If you could magically create one, what would they be like? Someone who listened to you attentively, respected your opinions, told you the truth in such a way that you loved to hear it? Someone who loved you so much they wanted only the best for you, laughed with you, and shared themselves delightfully? Someone you could be quiet with and yet connected to? If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

If this person were to suddenly walk into your life today, now, what would happen, how would things change? How would you feel? What kinds of things would you want to do together? How would your life expand?

You know, we do seem to hope a lot for someone else to come along and make us feel good, don’t we? And when they don’t do it right, we get pretty upset. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the quality of the relationship I have with myself determines not only the quality of my relationships with others but the quality of my life itself.

When I was growing up, I had no idea that I could possibly be my own best friend. If I had talked like that or even felt like that, my friends would have laughed at me and thought me extremely weird. I wish I had known being my own best friend was possible back then. I would have had a lot less heartache than I did. I remember looking out the window with longing as a kid, seeing my friends together outside and thinking, “Why aren’t I with them?” I wasn’t with them because I was waiting for them to come find me, a strange kind of hide-and-seek that they didn’t know I was playing.

Do you remember ever thinking your were left out and feeling lonely? How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? I remember saying to myself, “I don’t care!” even though I cared very much. I also pretended that I was very involved with something much more important than my friends so they wouldn’t see my hurt. Time went by, and my ways of compensating became the norm; now I held people away, thinking I was independent. And I was so lonely inside.

Then I took the Personal Effectiveness Seminar and realized that being my own best friend is actually my job, my responsibility. The ball is in my court. How I feel inside is my own creation. I am so fortunate I learned this at Wings. I am more than fortunate, I am ecstatic, because Wings is a place where people of all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, etc., are learning to be their own best friend. Wings is here to assist you, to support you in being your own best friend and knowing how to create fulfilling and rewarding relationships in all aspects of your life!!

Learning to be your own best friend takes commitment in the deepest, purest sense to yourself…to living your life and valuing it as a unique creation. I share this poem with you to help you remember to be your own best friend.

mighty guest of merely me traveler from eternity;
in a single wish, receive
all i am and dream and have.
Be thou gay by dark and day;
gay as only truth is gay (nothing’s false, in earth in air
in water and in fire, but fear— mind’s a coward; lies are laws) laugh, and make each no thy yes: love; and give because the why —gracious wanderer, be thou gay

—E. E. Cummings

Reflections:

1. Do you remember ever thinking you were left out as a kid and feeling lonely? Whose attention did you want?

2. How did you manage those thoughts and feelings? What did you do?

3. If you could have anything you want, what qualities would you choose and value most in your best friend?

4. What is it going to take for you to be those things to yourself, to be your own best friend?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Taking%20Tea%20with%20Adversity.mp3)

Oh, the world is full of wondrous lessons that keep us on our toes. Oftentimes we have no idea that what’s happening is an opportunity to learn, because many of these lessons are ushered into our lives by resistance or adversity!

For example: an event takes place, we look at it, interpret the event as adversity, a misfortune, or a setback, and then we decide it is worthy of a negative response. So we resist, defend, or fight. Now, mind you, all of this happens in the twinkling of an eye. This is not a conscious response, it is a reactive, unconscious response based on our belief system and past experiences.

While we are resisting, we are gathering all pertinent information to back up the rightness of our decision to resist. We are culling the archives of our past experiences, so we can justify ourselves to others if they question our behavior when we denounce or fight back. We may even try to get others to join us in the resistance, allies to bolster the strength of our defense. Does this sound familiar to you? It is the age-old pattern of reactivity, defense, and thinking we are right, which means they are wrong.

Much harm has come to the world through this pattern of reacting to perceived adversity: bigotry, abuse, broken relationships, misuse of power, polarized communities, and in the extreme, war. Some good has come from it too: high ideals represented, just causes becoming recognized. Yet when people standing up for “just causes” make the “other side” sound mindless, evil, stupid, you name it, it only causes more polarization, a breakdown of communication, and diminishes the possibility of common ground or community. In my mind, the harm done far outweighs the good.

Is it natural to resist, to be afraid of the unknown, the different, and the foreign? Sure. It is a defense mechanism to keep us safe and whole, heralding back to the time of the woolly mammoth and survival. But just because we have the feeling of adversity or resistance doesn’t mean we “have to” attack or defend ourselves. Am I saying to stand back and do nothing? Absolutely not! Having the truth be known is vital to our growth as human beings. So what to do, especially when you care?

At approximately 4:00 p.m. each day, the British take tea. A long-standing tradition, teatime is an oasis in the day, a time to sit and relax, to refresh themselves after the industrious part of the day is done, and to enjoy friendship and gracious conversation. It is a peaceful time-out.

When a lesson comes waltzing into our lives with resistance as its partner, or an event occurs and we feel the desire to resist or defend, what would it be like if we took a nice deep breath, paused until we felt calm, and then said,

“Pull up a chair, let us take tea together. Let us take some time to explore and be curious, being respectful of each other while being responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Let’s have a peaceful time-out.”

Instead of reacting, we get curious about the other person and their intentions as well as our own. We open our mind and heart instead of having our hackles come up and our lips turn into a sneer, looking for the jugular and wanting to prove that we are right. Some of my greatest learning has come from checking out my assumptions about the truth, by asking instead of telling, and discovering that my assumptions were not true at all.

So often it seems we forget the things that are most important to us. We want to feel peaceful, and yet we don’t. Choosing peace is a skill, a discipline, and a delight! And choosing peace is our gift to ourselves and the world.

Take tea with adversity; listen, learn, and then choose peace.

Reflections:

1. What are the things about yourself that you react to most strongly (e.g., needing to be right when your thoughts are challenged, feeling hurt if you don’t get what you want)?

2. What are your patterns of reactivity (e.g., the silent treatment, arguing, isolating, addictions)?

3. What is the impact in your relationships and on you?

4. What is one new behavior you will do that will give you healthier results?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Spreading%20Our%20Wings.mp3)

On March 2, 1992, filled with excitement and curiosity, I boarded United Airlines flight 158, a fifteen-hour, nonstop flight across the Pacific Ocean. The plane was filled to capacity with Asians going home and a polyglot of multinationals heading for one of the biggest crossroads in the world, Hong Kong! Just hearing all the different languages spoken amongst the passengers was thrilling! I grew up with airplanes in my blood (my dad was a captain for Pan Am, my brother was a captain for Pan Am and United, and both my sister and I were flight attendants for Pan Am a long time ago!). I felt delighted to be on a 747 again starting a new adventure.

Why Hong Kong? Because Wings was asked to present our seminars there, and I got to go first. What an opportunity! The essence of my personal vision is to live my dreams and to assist others to live theirs. Here was an opportunity to have the people assisted be from many cultures, my global vision. To step into another culture, to teach, to assist people to open to their own magnificence and personal power and then for them to go share their learning with their families, co-workers, and community…this excites me.

When I sat down in my seat, I knew that I had everything I needed: my seminar outline, music, clothes, a huge amount of loving support from family, interns, and staff, and total self-trust that whatever I did would be the best I knew how to give. I felt like a pioneer, setting off for the unknown as well prepared as possible and knowing that anything could happen—a true adventure.

So many incredible things happened! Simply walking down the street at noon, noticing commerce in action, the smells, tastes, and textures of this multinational city, was a learning experience. Teaching in the elegant Hong Kong Convention Center, which sits at the edge of Hong Kong Harbor, watching forty-three participants from eleven different nations open their hearts and minds to love and accountability was inspiring. Meeting so many people who care about the quality of life in our world, who will open their minds to new learning and take action to change things, filled me with a sense of deep common purpose, desire, and hope. Hope!

My Hong Kong adventure beckoned me to learn about my world and myself. It made it very clear to me that people all over the world are thirsty for love and a meaningful life. People want to be their best selves, to feel inspired and valuable in their daily lives, to experience a peaceful and loving world that begins inside of them. People want their children to be safe, loved, well educated, and capable of creating meaningful and fulfilling lives. I was so touched to hear each person from such varied backgrounds say they wanted the same things. I learned from experience that, given the opportunity and an encouraging and supportive learning environment, people rise to the greatest heights and bring others along.
What great adventure is awaiting you? Calling to you so that you can expand your vision of yourself and your world? What do you want to contribute to this great big beautiful world and all its people? When you look back at your long and healthy life, how do you want to be remembered, your legacy? All this starts with a dream.

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

-Mark Twain.

Is it time to spread your wings?

Reflections:

1. What do you want to contribute to this great, big, beautiful world and all its people?

2. What gifts and talents do you possess that you are not using? How do you feel when you are not using your abilities?

3. When you look back at your long and healthy life, how do you want to be remembered?

4. What is your legacy?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Download audio file (Dreams%20Do%20Come%20True.mp3)

When I was a child, I had many dreams, dreams that seemed more real to me than what happened every day, day in and day out. I dreamed of being a garbage man (we didn’t have “persons” yet, and I did want to be a man!), of being the first girl president, of being a ballerina, a teacher, a wizard, an actress, a backup singer for Dianna Ross, and much more! My dreams were a veritable cast of thousands. You name it, I had dreams about it. I remember waking up in the morning, sometimes exhausted by my nighttime life of dreaming, having gone many places and done different and sometimes dangerously exciting things.

My life truly seemed to be on two different planes. This wasn’t strange to me; it felt completely natural that my whole life, night and day, would be vital and exciting. My friends and I talked about our dreams and similar things happened for them too.

Somewhere around twelve or thirteen, my dreams started to change. As I became aware of what being a responsible adult meant, my dreams became more serious and not nearly as refreshing as before. I paid less attention to my dreams, finding them serious and demanding. I dreamed less and less as my confusion about becoming an adult increased.

Choosing what I wanted to do with my life became a very difficult decision-making process rather than a choice based in dreams and passion. After much investigation, I’ve found this is true for many people. Does this sound familiar to you?

What I have come to realize is that my early dreams were a kind of practice, trying on different ways of being to see what I really wanted “to become.” My adolescent confusion was based in thinking how I felt about myself and my life was all dependent on what I “did.” Constrictive dreaming is living out our fears, great and small, of not being enough, of doing or having terrible things done to us—the night terrors! The deeper realization now emerging is that what we yearn for and dream about is an ideal state of being, a way of feeling about life and ourselves that we make real through choices and actions.

Our dreams do come true. When our dreams are heavy and confusing, so is our life; when our dreams are stimulating and uplifting, so is our life. When we turn our backs on inspiration, we create lives of desolation.

Expansive dreaming is simply a process of allowing…allowing our own best self speak to us of all we are capable of giving and being, of tasting and feeling, and of the grand adventures that call to us to be a part of this magnificent world. Expansive dreaming is embracing our lives wholeheartedly; living is making our dreams come true.

When you go to sleep tonight, remember to dream expansively.

The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream.
The oak sleeps in the acorn;
the bird waits in the egg;
and in the highest vision of the soul,
a waking angel stirs.
Dreams are the seedlings of realities.
Your circumstances may be uncongenial,
but they shall not long remain so
if you but perceive an Ideal and strive to
reach it.
You cannot travel within and stand still without…
He who cherishes a beautiful vision,
a lofty ideal in his heart,
will one day realize it.

—James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

Reflections:

1. When you were a kid growing up, what were some of your dreams about what you wanted to be and do?

2. Which dreams were most compelling? And what was it about each one that was so attractive to you?

3. When did you let go of childhood dreams and start being more practical, more like an adult? What was the impact?

4. What are your dreams for your life now? Are you living them? What is the impact?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

Take some quiet time to answer the questions at the end. My hope is they will assist you in remembering how magnificent you are at the core and that you matter.

This is a great chapter to send on to the people in your life who may wonder about their own worth and how they fit in. When they answer the questions, it may lead to a heart felt conversation with you.

Take a quiet moment with yourself…relax, reflect and remember your own magnificence.

Walking on the beach has always been one of the easiest ways for me to find my quiet self. Effortlessly moving along, one silent step after the other, gazing out at the endless ocean and sky, gives me a deep sense of my smallness and how I fit into my picture of life. Reflections, reveries, dreams, and visions float through my mind with the breeze, interrupted only by the call of a gull or a wave caressing my foot.

Walking today along the shore in the sparkling fall sunshine, my thoughts quieted, and then all of a sudden I was back in my first transformational education experience, the Personal Effectiveness Seminar in April 1982! The explosion of awareness and learning, of fun and laughter all poured back, along with the faces of so many new friends. Unfolding through my mind with each silent step, my continuation on through each seminar, being on teams, becoming an intern, working here, creating Wings Seminars with James, learning to be in partnership with James, and stepping into the role of leader, not really knowing what that meant.

As I “watched” my own unfolding and growth, I also saw the faces of all the people I have interacted with as a student and as a teacher: teens, young people, older people, my family, and friends. One moment in each person’s growth stood out over and over again, a moment so clear and sweet, a moment of profound realization and acceptance, a moment both peaceful and powerful. As I walked along, the wind whispered a name for this moment: “The greatest gift of all.”

Yes, the greatest gift of all, the moment a person realizes and accepts that by extending themselves out into the world, they are instantly enriched and so is the world, that what they have to offer, simply by being themselves, is magnificent. There is a kind of amazement that goes with this moment too, amazement that the world is responsive to us. I had spent so many years thinking that I had nothing to offer anyone, nothing that anyone would want to hear nor would benefit from, that I held myself tightly within. I was certain that no one would ever want to spend time with me. I felt totally alone even when I was surrounded by people. Have you ever felt like that? It is a painful way to live, wanting to be part of and “knowing” it is not possible.

Walking along the beach and watching all your beautiful faces ignite in my mind, my own sense of gratitude and awe awakened. All of you who have come to Wings Seminars to learn and expand have not only enriched yourselves, you have enriched Wings, your family, your workplace, and every person that you have touched. Like the ripples in a pond when we toss a pebble in, all of you have touched your world gently and powerfully by being yourselves. This is the greatest gift of all, truly—being of the world, honestly and compassionately, extending ourselves out.

How often have you waited…waited for someone else to be the one to take the risk of initiating contact with you? How do you feel while you are waiting? Confident? Powerful? Desirable? No, I don’t think so. More likely insufficient in some way, doubting your worth and capabilities.

To extend yourself, to initiate instead of waiting for someone to come find you, takes courage and a desire for meaningful relationships. When you extend yourself out to another, is there a possibility that they may not like it? Sure. There’s also the possibility that they’ll love it and you for risking.

So many people in this world would love to be loved by you, with a smile, a gentle word, a momentary easing of their loneliness, in thousands of simple ways. Is it time to stop waiting and start initiating what you want?

Perhaps this day, and maybe each day, you will choose to share the greatest gift of all: yourself.

Reflections:

1. What have been pivotal learning experiences for you? How did you change your life as a result?

2. Have you experienced “the greatest gift of all,” accepting that who you are and what you have to offer is magnificent? And that by extending yourself out into the world that both you and the world are enriched?

3. What keeps you waiting for someone to come find you? How do you feel while you are waiting?

4. What are some simple things you could do today to initiate respectful and com- passionate connection with others?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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I would like you to read this in a different manner than you usually do. Please either find a cooperative someone close at hand and ask them to read each paragraph to you slowly, or find a quiet spot and read this to yourself, one paragraph at a time, stopping often to let yourself imagine and wonder. I would like to give you the gift of a quiet moment with your creative self.

Settling down in your spot, let yourself become comfortable, your breathing becoming deep and regular, your body relaxing as you sit quietly, feeling yourself gently slowing down. It’s okay for you to take a time-out. It’s okay for you to relax. Breathing in is inspiring. Close your eyes and enjoy listening to the sound of your own breathing for several moments.

Feeling even more relaxed and comfortable now, gently begin to bring to mind the people you have held and hold in the highest respect, people who lived their lives in such a way that you felt inspired knowing them. Perhaps you would call them your heroes or your mentors, your friends. Beginning from the time you were a child, just as in a film, watch each one of your heroes and heroines come to life, moving, talking, doing the special things they did. Let the images of their faces come to mind, the way their eyes sparkled, the sound of their voices, the special words they said, perhaps even the feeling of the touch of their hand. Some of these people are people you know well and some you appreciated from afar, wishing you knew them.

As you watch each one, there is something else I would like you to become aware of, observing them closely. What was it about each one of them that made them so special to you? What qualities and traits do they have? What do you admire about each person? What do these special people stand for? As these qualities become clear to you, say the words aloud that describe them to you.

Listen to your own voice declare each person’s uniqueness. Was it their integrity, their laugh, the way they were always there for you, the way they spoke the truth, the way they were involved with life? Could it have been the way they stood tall in the world, being themselves, their voices being heard, their love being shared? Were they bold enough to live in their own way? What was it? Become aware of what made them so special to you. As you think about these people, notice how you are feeling. Do you feel enriched just by thinking about them, inspired and comforted? Now take a moment to express your gratitude to each one for the contribution they made to your life.

Let’s create a different picture now. What would your world have been like without these people? Notice how you feel even thinking about this loss. Gently looking back at your life, imagine what it would have been like without them to turn to, lean on, learn from, be loved by, and follow.

Sometimes we forget a very important part of the picture we are living inside of. We are so focused on looking outside of ourselves for direction, inspiration, solutions, stimulation, excitement, and leadership that we forget there are many people in the picture looking to us for those very same things.

Imagine that all of these people are back here with you now, standing around you and they are all eagerly looking at you. Their faces are full of anticipation, knowing that something important is about to happen. You are about to speak. What do you want to say to these respected people? Let yourself speak aloud, listening to your own words. And as you speak, notice if you are standing tall.

Reflections:

1. How often do you really let yourself relax naturally, without using TV, books, computer, alcohol, drugs, etc., to do the job? What is more important than taking care of yourself?

2. Who are the people you hold with the highest respect and admiration, your heroes, heroines, mentors, your inspiration?

3. What qualities, traits, and behaviors made them so special to you?

4. What do you want these wonderful people to know about you? What do you want to say to them?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Have you ever watched a beautiful and abundant garden go untended? Watched as it slowly changed from a place of unsurpassed aliveness, symmetry, and color into a derelict place, uncared for…abandoned. Whenever I have watched this happen, I have felt a sense of sadness, for the garden and for the gardener. I’ve asked myself the question, “What could have happened that the gardener, who obviously cared so much, stopped caring?”

As a child, to answer the question, I created mysteries in my mind, conjuring up haunted houses and ghosts and things. As an adult, I have my own experience.

We live out of town and have a large garden, fifty by sixty feet, with an eight-foot deer fence and grass pathways that separate it into quarters and to make it easy to walk through. I used to spend almost my whole summer out there. First creating a blueprint, a design for where each flower and vegetable would grow best, and then digging, enriching the soil, planting, watering, watching things grow, and enjoying the harvest—wheelbarrows full, corn twelve feet tall! The flowers were a riot of color; I would cut armloads to bring into the house.

Our garden was a place where each of us could go and just be quiet, go and feel restored and a part of something magical. I can’t tell you how many times the boys would disappear for a while and suddenly return with a green ring around their mouth from eating young onions, or holding a half eaten carrot in their hand, one more sweet crunchy bite. Or I would take my drawing things and sketch my thoughts for the next year’s garden. Peaceful time-outs to feel the sun and watch the miracle of growing plants.

When our son, Matthew, died in 1986, we were devastated individually and as a family. Before his death, we did social things with our friends fairly often—dinners, playing games, going to the coast. Matt’s death was the end of that. We didn’t talk about it; we closed the door on our social life and stayed home. We closed the garden gate too and left our garden untended, we left it alone. It became a sad place. Unconsciously, we turned from friends and the garden and turned to each other, tending and nurturing each other and ourselves instead of working with the earth.

We began planting seeds of a different sort. The seeds of compassion and forgiveness, the seeds of letting go and loving unconditionally, the seeds of strength and vulnerability, tiny bits of life sustaining us. These seeds were watered with tears and nourished by long talks and silent hugs. These seeds have born the fruit of deeper love and respect than we ever knew was possible.

This summer, three years later, we planted a garden again. And instead of me being the main gardener, my husband, Kyle, is planting the seeds and watering. The garden is bursting into life again with the tending of his gentle hands. When I walk into the garden now, I feel many things. I feel the immediate delight of being in the midst of growing things. I feel proud of Kyle and touched by his nurturing. I feel inspired by the tenacity of life, stretching for the light. And I realize that is what we have been doing to heal—nurturing each other and stretching toward the light.

Remember my question, “What could have happened that the gardener, who obviously cared so much, stopped caring?” We never stopped caring for the garden; it is just that we cared so much for Matthew and each other that all our energy went into our grieving, letting go, and healing. There was nothing left.

Standing in the fragrance of warm tomato vines, sweet peas, roses, and row upon row of growing things again, I hear the flowers and lettuces whispering that healing is a long and gentle process…be patient with yourself.

I am so grateful that I am surrounded by an abundant world where life springs forth eagerly when we tend our gardens and our spirits with care.

Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.
—Richard B. Sheridan

Reflections:

1. Looking back at your life, find a time when you stopped taking care of some- thing that was important to you because something happened that deserved your complete attention. What deserved your full attention, and what did you stop doing?

2. What did you start doing to take care of your strongest priority?

3. What was the impact on your life?

4. Is there anything important for you to reclaim now?

I encourage you to share your responses to the reflection questions in the comments section.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King