Welcome...glad you're here! You are in the right place if you are ready to live an extraordinary life everyday!

I am amazed how we can intentionally connect through the web. My hope is the podcasts, videos and other offerings on my blog will strengthen the connection between us and support you to have more of what you want.

Sharing chapters from my book, My Heart Has Wings is something I enjoy so much. You can download the podcasts in chapter order, or browse through the titles to find the perfect topic to support you right now. You can also order an autographed copy of my book at www.myhearthaswings.com.

My videos cover a wide range of ideas and thoughts and include recordings of presentations I have given. They are usually no more than 10 minutes and offer you a great way to stay inspired and support your continued learning..

I invite you to stay connected with me on Facebook, too! I am having so much fun with it.

I love feedback. Let me know what you think.

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

Doing the Right Thing: Miracles

Saturday, December 26th, 2015

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Tashi delek: good luck greeting from Bhutanese man

Let yourself
be silently drawn
by the stronger pull
of what you really love.
-Rumi


One of the most valuable outcomes of conscious awareness, I believe, is the skill of healthy self-evaluation—knowing how to stand above the details and events of our lives and look down with curiosity, accountability, and objectivity to see what’s working and what we want to do differently.

Some people think that self-evaluation is what goes on in their heads all the time, which for the most part is judgmental of self and others. This stream of criticism, when run to the extreme, is destructive and actually stops us from taking effective action. That is not self evaluation; it’s “mind chatter”!

Gandhi said:

It’s the action,
not the fruit of the action, that’s important.
You have to do the right thing.
It may not be in your power,
may not be in your time,
that there will be any fruit.
But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results
come from your action.
But if you do nothing, there will be no result.

Have you ever wondered what the “right thing” is? I’ve seen people freeze at the idea, stop dead
in their tracks, fearing they could make a mistake, as if there is only one right thing to do! Knowing what the right thing is becomes apparent when we know our deepest values, our vision for our lives, practice healthy self-evaluation, and then take action. Action leads to learning, which helps us decide what the next right thing to do is.

When I participated in the Personal Effectiveness Seminar in 1982 at thirty-nine, I realized that most of my thoughts were based in faultfinding, and I was constantly comparing myself to others, sometimes one up, but mostly one down. No wonder I didn’t know what I wanted in my life. I wasn’t really focused on what I wanted; I was focused on getting away from what I didn’t want! With the help of the teachings at Wings, I began the lifelong process of knowing what is the right thing for me to be, to do, and to have.

May 9, 2003, I turned sixty, and I am so delighted to be sixty! Since I had breast cancer at thirty-six, every year is a gift and a bonus. What a perfect time to self-evaluate.

Standing up above my life and looking down, I see what in 1982 I would have considered miracles because I thought my life was over.

I see and acknowledge

  • my healthy and resilient body;
  • my healthy and loving relationship with my husband, Kyle;
  • my rich and delightful relationships with my sons, Mark and Kyle;
  • running a business I love with people I respect and cherish;
  • renovating a building so Wings has a beautiful home;
  • supporting my mom and dad through his dementia and death;
  • my vast friendships, teaching, and interacting with so many great people;
  • my travels around the United States, to Tokyo, Nepal, Sweden and Bhutan;
  • my ability to communicate my truth clearly with love and respect;
  • all the beauty that surrounds me;
  • the positive impact Wings has had on thousands of people’s lives;
  • all the fun I have had doing it all;
  • and there’s so much more!

I didn’t know any of the above would work out. I just knew they were things that I wanted and were “the right things” for me to do. What do you want to look down and see when you look at your life?

It’s always time to do the right thing. Ready for some miracles?

Reflections:

1. Imagine standing up above your life and looking down at it. What do you want to see?

2. Why are these things important to you?

3. What are you doing right now to bring these things into reality?

4. How will you feel when what you want to see is your reality?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Becoming an Exceptional Parent, Person

Friday, December 25th, 2015

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David and Alan Larson

Alone we can do so little;
together we can do so much.
-Helen Keller


“Discovering the ways in which you are exceptional, the particular path you are meant to follow, is your business on this earth,” said Bernie Siegel, MD, a pioneer in supporting cancer patients to change their perception of themselves from being a victim of cancer and disease to being an exceptional and courageous patient. I strongly agree with Dr. Siegel. I believe it is our task to accept and explore our own unique talents and gifts, to live our lives becoming more truly our best selves each day now—not waiting for a catastrophe to wake us up.

And yet so much of what happens in our lives has nothing to do with these discoveries. Much of what we are taught in life is devoted to directing, restraining, and containing us to fit a certain pattern that is called “culturally acceptable” and approved of by others. Am I saying that learning to follow the rules isn’t important? No. I think some rules are vitally important to our health, welfare, and to our community.

What I am saying is that through our acculturation and learning process, sometimes the unique- ness, the spunk, the creativity, and the dignity of the individual are sacrificed. The intentions are good—to create structure, predictability, and safety. The results are not always so good—individuals feeling controlled and dependent upon authority figures, bored, and fearful of being judged, of making mistakes, and not belonging.

I believe we must live and behave in such a way that our children (our own and those we have a responsibility to) learn to appreciate their own magnificence and learn to take action for themselves that repeatedly reaffirms their accountability, magnificence, and capabilities. That sounds like a tall order when faced with an irate teenager! And how do we do this if we have not learned this ourselves?

To become an exceptional parent (person), or to assist others in becoming exceptional people, we must decide that discovering our uniqueness is valuable, possible, and worthy of our time and energy—because it will take time and energy! From there on it is a matter of learning ways that work and using them every day with ourselves and in our interactions with everyone, especially our children.

The ways that work are simple things, simple actions that show how much you care and what you stand for. Simple things like taking ownership of your own behavior rather than blaming others, receptive listening rather than judging and rebuttal, telling the whole truth instead of editing or lying, respecting rather than disregarding, unconditional loving rather than expecting, creating clear agreements and keeping them rather than forgetting, encouraging rather than controlling, and celebrating rather than criticizing.

Simple to understand, perhaps not so simple to apply, especially in those moments when you feel most challenged. However, isn’t it amazing we want our teens to practice self-control when we are not? Imagine in those moments of feeling most challenged that you stop, breathe, and take ownership of your own behavior.

For example, “I just noticed that I am speaking loudly and using critical language as I am talking to you. I apologize. I think it is something I do with you when things don’t go the way I want them to. I think I am afraid of conflict and don’t know how to handle it very well. I feel sad and concerned that I do this with you.

What I want is to understand you and for you to understand me. I want to really hear what you are saying. I want to make clear agreements with you that we both keep to build trust between us. How do you feel about what I just said?” And then really listen.

This may sound like a mouthful to you, and I want you to know that with practice you will transform not only the way you communicate, but the level of trust, clarity, love, and cooperation between you.

Why wait to be sick or to have a life-changing event come along before you accept and appreciate that you and your teen (partner, co-worker, etc.) are truly exceptional people? Use the actions listed above with yourself and your teen for a few days, or a lifetime, and you will be amazed at what you discover about yourself and your teen.

Reflections:

1. When you were a kid, what do you think was the main focus of your parents’ parenting? Teaching you through correcting, or celebrating your uniqueness?

2. What was the impact on you? What did you decide about taking risks?

3. Setting aside your self-judgment and being honest with yourself, how are you exceptional? What are your gifts and talents?

4. What do you want to start celebrating about yourself and others?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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A Life Without Regrets

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

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My dad, Arnold Anderson, in flight school, 1942

Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn
as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
-George Bernard Shaw

These last months since September 11, 2001, have been a riveting time personally, nationally, and globally. A time of reflection, remembering what is most important, and taking action. The possibility of a great awakening is at hand. What are the most important changes you want to make in your life so that you live a life without regrets?

Very often, when people awaken and grow, we get very excited about the future and the possibilities of what can happen. And very often, when people awaken and grow, we turn around, look at our past, and make it wrong, thinking that we should have somehow known “it” all along. We blame ourselves harshly for not growing sooner, and even worse, we may start blaming others—partners, friends, parents, the culture, you name it—for what happened in our past.

Actualizing ourselves to our highest and best selves, growing, is an ancient and well-recorded desire for humankind throughout history. There have been innumerable voices in every culture calling brothers and sisters to awaken to our goodness, to take peaceful and thoughtful action, to serve humankind, to make the world a joyous, safe, and compassionate place, and to reverently take care of the earth. Sometimes we listen, become inspired, and change. Sometimes we gradually stop, and like falling asleep, we don’t realize when it happens.

Remember the first Earth Day? Did Earth Day awaken a part of you that deeply cares for our earth? Did you get really excited about the possibility of everyone pulling together to recycle and create great change? Have you judged people and cultures that aren’t doing it the “right way”? Remember September 11, 2001? Are you still as aware of what’s most important to you, or have you started to fall back into old habits?

If we make our past wrong when we experience insight and growth, or if, when the natural process of falling asleep occurs, we judge ourselves as wrong, our faith in ourselves erodes slowly and surely. To live a life without regrets, we must stay committed to valuing our past, our heritage. It has taken all of our past to create this moment and what comes next—every hurt, every tear, and every bit of laughter and love. When we don’t listen to and honor our past experiences, we simply recreate them over and over again, blocking the road to our future.

There have been many awakening moments in my life: breast cancer, recreating my marriage to Kyle, starting Wings, the death of my son Matthew, September 11, and most recently the death of my father, Arnold T. Anderson. We celebrated his life on November 3, 2001. One of my great realizations while I was there with my mom and family was that I participated in my dad’s life the best way I knew and I have only sweet and poignant memories, no regrets.

All of your life and mine is essential and priceless. To stay fully committed, we must value all of it. When you awaken and see life anew, no matter what the occasion or what it took to wake you up, savor the learning, celebrate, and do it, be it, say it now! Live a life without regrets.

This is what I wrote for my dad’s memorial service:


I am forever blessed that Arnold T. Anderson is my father. A true father, unconditionally loving mentor, teacher, guiding light, guardian, and friend—Dad was all of these things and more to me, to my brother, Roger, and sister, Carolyn.

My dad was often shy, never calling attention to himself, a man of dignity and honor. People sought him out, relaxing in the full acceptance and attention he gave to everyone.

My dad laughed easily and never at anyone’s expense.

He delighted in the unexpected and the curious, seeking to understand what life offered him— cultures of the world, how any “thing” worked, where the fish were, the perfect move in a dance step, the subtle hint of an herb in a sauce—all as he lovingly watched over his family.

My dad listened with the eagerness and curiosity of a child, seeking the truth instead of the easy or expected answer. Dad was both a teacher and a learner.

My dad believed that we are here to fulfill our heart’s deepest longings, to do the best we can do in every moment and be happy doing it. And by his example, we learned this lesson.

My dad held his word as his bond. He simplified his life by only doing what was most important to him. He was a simple man of great depth.

My dad loved to create, to use his imagination in every aspect of his life: paintings, systems, cooking, designing their homes, singing—what a voice!

My dad loved my mom. By watching them together, from my earliest years until these last several years, I learned what true love means—unconditional and real, passionate, ever present, patient, and kind. Mom’s courageous caring for dad was a reflection of the love they shared.

I want to share a view expressed by Bert Hellinger in his book Acknowledging What Is:

I belong to life, or to a force that brings me into life and holds me, and then lets me drop out again. This way of seeing things seems to me to be much closer to the reality. One who experiences himself or herself as part of a greater whole experiences a supportive energy, although it’s an energy that can also bring suffering. It’s not our happiness that makes the world go round. It’s something quite different; it calls us into its service and we have to yield to it. At the end of our time, we drop out of life back into something we know nothing about.

We don’t just suddenly appear out of nowhere. The life we receive through our parents is embed- ded in something greater. Something flows together in our parents and passes life on to us. We are already present in some sense, or we couldn’t become. When we die, we’re not gone, although we’re not visible to the living any longer. But vanish? How can we vanish?

Being, the depth behind everything, is beyond life. Compared with being, life is small and temporary.

I am grateful to you, Dad, for sharing life with me. Yes, Dad, you are dead…and I miss you. We will live a bit longer, and then we will come too.

Namasté.

Reflections:

1. Describe several times in your life when you “woke up” and became excited about setting a new course of action.

2. Name the insights you are still excited about and why.

3. Name the insights to which you have “fallen asleep” and the impact on your life.

4. Now what are the most important changes you want to make in your life so that you live a life without regrets?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Reflections

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

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Reflections

If we listened to our intellect,
we’d never have a love affair.
We’d never have a friendship.
We’d never go into business
because we’d be cynical.
Well, that’s nonsense!
You’ve got to jump off cliffs
all the time
and build your wings
on the way down.
-Ray Bradbury

Having just returned from trekking in Solu Khumbu, Nepal, for the fourth time, relaxing on the beach in Thailand, and visiting my niece, Kristin, in Kyoto, Japan, I am spilling over with joyful experiences and vibrant memories that fill my heart with gratitude. So much happened during the thirty-seven days that I was in Asia that, in order to be conscious of what I learned, I’ve been spending time in silent reflection (my 600-plus photos as my guide). And I would like to share these reflections with you, my dear friends.

First: True riches and wealth lie in the heart of the experiencer, not in outside circumstances.

Nepal is ranked as one of the poorest nations in the world economically, and many would say, “Isn’t that too bad.” And yet, the Nepali are the some of the happiest and wealthiest people I have ever known. They are rich in love, relationships, and family; rich in healthy, nutritious food; rich in their connection to the earth, seasons, and the glorious Himalayas; rich in their spiritual beliefs, meaningful practices, and colorful rituals. Imagine this: in Kathmandu and throughout the country, Hindus and Buddhists actually share many holy shrines on a daily basis. Abundance is a personal experience.

Second: With positive intention, any activity can be a multifaceted blessing.

My intentions on this trek were to respectfully learn about Nepal and for the group to be positive representatives of our culture with everyone we encountered. As the fourteen of us bonded and became friends, trekked, learned Nepali, ate glorious, healthy food, had our vacations, and strengthened our bodies, the people who were in service to us also benefited deeply. To name just a few, our support staff, being experts about all things Nepali, practiced and learned English and about our culture. We created relationships with each other that will last a lifetime and opened our hearts and minds to embracing differences instead of fearing them. As a group, we chose to help Rumjatar Secondary School, impoverished and bursting at the seams, become a school where students have what they need to learn by building a library, and we also assisted with the reconstruction of the Lura monastery. Brains, hearts, and bodies all working together with positive intention are so powerful!

Third: “Don’t you think laughter is prayer?” (Mary Greenwood).

Talk about happy! From Nepal, one of the poorest nations, to Thailand, an emerging nation, to Japan, one of the wealthiest nations in the world, there is a common thread of laughter, taking oneself and others lightly with grace and humor.

I have my ideas why this is so, one being that Buddhism is a prevalent practice in these three countries. When they pray, they are praying for the well-being of all, not just themselves. Imagine having your laughter be not only a joyful experience for you but an offering of grace and light to others as well! The second is that in all three countries there is a strong belief that healthy community is built by each individual fulfilling their part, that we have an impact on each other and it’s each person’s duty to be respectful of others.

Fourth: The smallest gift given with great love is more valuable than one that is given as a “have to.”

So many times on the trail, we stopped and talked with a farmer tending his field, laughed with the children at our terrible pronunciation of Nepali words, said “Namasté!” to whoever passed by. In the past, I thought of gifts as physical things that I made or bought, and I always wanted them to be perfect. In Nepal, I realized that being fully present in the moment is a great gift to me and to whomever I am with. Ease, generosity, rapport, listening, laughter, and sometimes tears too. How precious to share them.

Fifth: Do it now. Life is too short to spend it sitting on the couch!

What are your dreams and desires? What gets your heart rate up, just by thinking about it? What are you longing to do that you have told yourself is too expensive, takes too much time, is too risky, etc.? These are the excuses we live with rather than having the lives we want.

Life is waiting for you to come to it. It doesn’t work the other way! Jump in. There is so much more, and my reflection continues.

Reflections:

1. What does this mean to you? “True riches and wealth lie in the heart of the experiencer, not in outside circumstances.”

2. What does this mean to you? “The smallest gift given with great love is more valuable than one that is given as a ‘have to.’”

3. What are some of the most memorable “precious moments” in your life?

4. Who in your life do you want to spend more real time with, feeling connected and present? Will you initiate it?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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Divine Forgiveness

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

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Divine Forgiveness

If we really want to love
we must learn how to forgive.
-Mother Teresa

What is forgiveness?

At its essence, forgiveness means to give as before, before the breach you experienced with another, with yourself, to once again be connected with love, respect, and appreciation. The how of it—the hard part—is owning your own part and then giving up all claims against the other, a pardon, absolution, a letting go of all blame and resentments. Forgiveness takes away the barriers that you have built and maintained against yourself or between you and the other.

In A Course in Miracles, there is a statement that rocked my world when I read it for the first time. “Ask not to be forgiven, for this has already been accomplished. Ask, rather, to learn how to forgive.” I thought, “What do you mean, it has already been accomplished? I’m hurt, I’m angry, and I know it’s their fault!” Then I stopped and realized in Divinity’s eyes there is no need for forgiveness because you and I are loved unconditionally. There is no holding against, only holding dear.

The heart of forgiveness is the unconditional love of God.

Why make amends, why forgive? Why is it so important? Making amends and forgiving are a letting go of victimhood. Any place you hold on to hurt, resentment, or anger, you hold your position as a victim. Attachment to blame, attachment to hurt, attachment to resentment—all are barriers to your personal freedom. Making amends and forgiving are ways of reclaiming your integrity. Where we have been or done things that are outside our value system, we have places where we blame ourselves, where we have relationships that are out of balance. We are out of balance.

Sometimes the intention of withholding forgiveness is to uphold some sense of self, of power, and yet over time the withholding causes a weakness because of our lack of integrity, of not being the kind of person you know you want to be.

Forgiveness is for the forgiver. When you will not forgive, you are saying, “I want to keep this wound,” and you end up carrying people around inside of yourself like hostages, torturing yourself, holding yourself hostage too, creating a grotesque and profound separation from your own spiritual essence, your own heart.

It is vitally important to remember, forgiving is not a condoning of behavior nor a relinquishing of responsibility; it is an act of grace and accepting our humanness, that we make mistakes and our actions have an impact on ourselves and others.

Take a moment to breathe and come present, and then imagine yourself sitting in a big comfortable chair—a chair in which only truth is spoken or heard—and there before you is a big living screen, and one by one you begin to see the faces of the people you believe you have hurt. As you look into their eyes, you recall those moments of shock, pain, humiliation, disappointment, separation. Seeing the events, the people, noticing what you’ve done and thought and felt since that time, allow all your feelings to simply be there in your heart, noticing if they feel heavy.

Now the faces of the people on the screen begin to change to the people you believe have hurt you. One by one, you look in their eyes, remembering what they did or did not do that caused you pain, what has happened in each relationship since, the feelings you have carried for so long. As you watch, you realize how much energy you have given to each event, and you know it is time to release yourself and them, to let go, remembering the one who has probably hurt you the most is you. It is time to say, “I forgive you,” feeling forgiveness filling your heart.

If your mind interrupts, saying they don’t deserve to be forgiven, remember that forgiveness comes from the inside. No on can make you forgive. You are at choice about how free and loving you want to feel. Do not forgive anyone you are not ready to forgive, and be open to that changing as you open to power of making amends and divine forgiveness.

Reflections:

1. Who do you believe you have hurt? What did you do or not do that caused them harm?

2. Who do you believe has hurt you? What did they do or not do that caused you harm?

3. What has been the impact on your relationships of holding on to past grievances and resentments against others and yourself?

4. Are you ready to be free again, to take ownership of your own life and forgive? If your answer is yes, congratulations. If it is no, what is it going to take?

With love and gratitude,
Kris King

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